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Post by SkyFire on Mar 9, 2017 12:50:09 GMT
I have reinstated the jokes board. Keep it clean folks as the forum is pg13+.
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Post by Violette on Apr 3, 2017 1:53:44 GMT
Why do dolphins swim in salt water? Because pepper water would make them sneeze.
What did the stamp say to the envelope? You stick with me and I will take you places!
Why did the shark keep swimming in circles? It had a nosebleed.
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Post by SkyFire on Apr 5, 2017 4:36:34 GMT
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "Well, It's Not Unusual."
Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!".
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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pitszal
Navy Captain
Posts: 514
Likes: 41
Last online Feb 5, 2019 14:37:27 GMT
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Post by pitszal on Apr 19, 2017 14:52:11 GMT
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aRMY83
Swashbuckler
U.S. Army Retired
Posts: 2.1K
Likes: 309
Last online Apr 16, 2024 21:23:58 GMT
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Post by aRMY83 on Nov 6, 2017 17:37:46 GMT
The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look toward sky, what you see?"
The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?"
"You dumber than buffalo sh*t. It mean someone steal tent."
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toetapping
1st Mate
Posts: 1.6K
Likes: 45
Last online Apr 17, 2024 20:03:20 GMT
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Post by toetapping on Jun 22, 2018 18:47:46 GMT
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toetapping
1st Mate
Posts: 1.6K
Likes: 45
Last online Apr 17, 2024 20:03:20 GMT
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Post by toetapping on Jun 23, 2018 20:12:21 GMT
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toetapping
1st Mate
Posts: 1.6K
Likes: 45
Last online Apr 17, 2024 20:03:20 GMT
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Post by toetapping on Jun 29, 2018 20:43:49 GMT
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paulm
Car Attendant
I always knew I would end-up here!
Posts: 10
Likes: 7
Last online Aug 27, 2020 6:28:16 GMT
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Post by paulm on Aug 23, 2020 8:32:45 GMT
My wife is related to her. love her really "put that knife down"
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toetapping
1st Mate
Posts: 1.6K
Likes: 45
Last online Apr 17, 2024 20:03:20 GMT
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Post by toetapping on Sept 20, 2022 17:20:17 GMT
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Post by SkyFire on Nov 1, 2022 13:17:39 GMT
Why did the raisin go out with the prune??
She couldn't find a date!
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toetapping
1st Mate
Posts: 1.6K
Likes: 45
Last online Apr 17, 2024 20:03:20 GMT
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Post by toetapping on Nov 1, 2022 18:13:40 GMT
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Post by SkyFire on Nov 5, 2022 7:11:08 GMT
Why is it so hard for a leopard to hide?
Because it's always spotted!
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toetapping
1st Mate
Posts: 1.6K
Likes: 45
Last online Apr 17, 2024 20:03:20 GMT
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Post by toetapping on Nov 5, 2022 18:42:08 GMT
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Post by SkyFire on Jan 20, 2023 15:05:52 GMT
What is a cats favourite colour?
Purrr-ple!
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